THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM GREGG JOHNSON'S LATEST BOOK, "HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN." FOR MORE INFO, CLICK HERE.

“Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king's house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. So David sent and inquired about the woman. And someone said, ‘Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?’ Then David sent messengers, and took her; and she came to him, and he lay with her, for she was cleansed from her impurity; and she returned to her house”  (2 Samuel 11:2-4).  
 
As king over Israel, David had unique access that only his authority could give. His power, his influence was irresistible. Even if Bathsheba wanted to repel the king’s advances, she had no chance against the sovereign command he had over her life and that of her family. Sadly, he used his position to bring Uriah’s wife under his control and took advantage of her.

Leaders, whether they realize it or not, have a certain amount of influence over those who submit to their authority. This is especially true when the spiritual leader assumes the role of a counselor to those who are suffering or in need.

In fact, many of the people attending our churches are deeply troubled and emotionally wounded. They may be going through a divorce or suffering neglect in their marriage; they may be reeling from childhood trauma or working through issues of rejection and insecurity. As a result, many of these struggling saints are very needy; they may lack self-worth or are looking for affirmation and support. Many are broken hearted; they are lonely and afraid. And most are simply looking for a compassionate ear to listen to them and validate their pain.

As pastors, we are called to love these suffering souls with empathy and understanding. We need to guide them to the Healer who can mend their wounded spirits. However, as we minister to them, we need to be very cautious. There is a great danger here—a subtle snare—especially when the one coming to us for comfort is of the opposite sex. 
 
Naturally, when she (or he) comes to you—the pastor—you listen. You show compassion, understanding, affirmation and love, the very things that she (or he) is in desperate need of. As a result, an unhealthy attachment can develop. She begins to regard you as a special person in her life: her source of empowerment, support and self-worth. She comes emotionally dependent on you and—if you are not careful—she subconsciously begins to see you as her surrogate parent or spouse. Emotionally, you become the father or husband she has always longed for.

And if that’s not bad enough, this dependence can affect you—the pastor—as well. It becomes very gratifying to know that you are so important, so needed and such a powerful force in someone’s life. In fact, many pastors, who themselves are emotionally wounded and insecure, need to be needed. They need to know they are admired, respected, and appreciated. And it is especially gratifying when the one appreciating you is a younger, attractive member of the
opposite sex. 

It becomes even more gratifying when the pastor’s emotional needs go unmet in his own marriage. If his wife continually nags, complains, and tears him down—if she often criticizes him and threatens his self-worth—then he too may develop a dependency on the counseling relationship. Not because he is receiving counsel, but because he is receiving what he needs emotionally: respect, affirmation, a sense of importance and self-worth—things that he cannot get anywhere
else.

The result is an emotionally dependent pastor–parishioner relationship. It is an extremely dangerous snare. It is
very often the beginning of an affair.

There are three rules that will deliver you from this  snare.

First and foremost, love your spouse.  The best defense against falling in love with a parishioner is to stay in love
with your wife.  Learn to appreciate the better qualities of your spouse, make an effort to talk with her and compliment her and express your affection. Remember that love grows through expression and dies with neglect. Proverbs 5:18-20 emphasizes this as well: “...rejoice with the wife of your youth.  As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?”

Second, let the sisters counsel the sisters (and the brothers counsel the brothers). Titus 2:3-4 says, “the older women…(should) admonish the young women.” The Apostle Paul understood human nature well when he told church leaders to stay away from those young women. “If they need admonition or counsel,” the wise apostle wrote, “let the older, godly women take care of it.” Amen!

After a recent Sunday Morning service, I was in the church lobby greeting people as they departed the sanctuary. Suddenly, a young, attractive, blonde woman approached me. I had never met her before and greeted her as I do all new visitors. As we shook hands, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “Your sermon really touched me today. I’ve been going through some really difficult times lately and…” She paused to wipe a tear from her eye with a handkerchief. “And I think you might be able to help me. Do you think we could meet together during the week and talk privately?”

At that moment, a million red flags went up in my head and warning sirens began to scream in my spirit. It was the Holy Ghost imprint on my character telling me, “Danger, danger—this is trouble! Don’t do it.” With that, I looked at her with sincere compassion in my eyes and said, “You know what I think you really need? You know what I think could really help you? We have some powerful, experienced, Holy Spirit- anointed sisters in our church. They are the wives of our deacons and elders and pastors; in fact, there is one right behind you. Let me introduce you to her. I know she would be glad to meet with you and talk and pray with you and…”

“No thanks.” She said. Her eyes cleared up. The tremble in her voice disappeared. The hanky was stuffed into her purse. She thrust her chin up, brushed her hair out of her face and out the door she went. I never saw her again.

Did I offend her? Perhaps, but I take no chances with my integrity. Did I miss out on an opportunity to heal a hurting soul? Absolutely not. I offered her an opportunity to meet with some powerful, deeply wise and spiritual women. They would have ministered the grace and love of God to that lady in a way that no man could ever minister to her. Sadly, she rejected it. 
 
Keep it short and simple. In other words, if you must counsel the opposite sex, provide compassion and counsel but stay focused on the issue at hand. Refrain from offering the kind of support and sympathy that produces an emotional connection leading to a dependency. As well, keep the session short and simple. Avoid delving into issues and areas that are deep and intimate, emotionally volatile and require excessive amounts of time. If the counselee requires that kind of attention, refer him or her to a professional or a counselor of the same sex.

The Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology and Counseling suggests that the technique of “co-counseling” is often necessary in situations where a counselee could develop an unhealthy attachment to the counselor. It explains that therapists can reduce the transference of affection and emotional dependence coming from a counselee by the use of co-therapists.  Using two counselors reduces the intensity of the patient’s attachment by dispersing it among the two.11  As much as possible, ministers should  use the same approach by referring counselees of the opposite sex to his or her  spouse, board member, or staff member.

Don’t be intimidated by someone’s neediness. Some people may try  to manipulate you into investing more time and energy than you should. But being  a pastor does not obligate you to being someone’s personal counselor 24 hours a  day, 7 days a week—especially with the opposite sex. A woman once complained to  her pastor, “I need you to be there for me more often. I need you to check on  me. I need to know I’m not alone.” Wisely, he said, “I’m sorry, but I’m not  going to do that. If you need some help, or advice, you can pick up the phone  and call the office. I’m there, as well as other staff members. But don’t expect  me to meet all your needs.”

“Those who have been once intoxicated with power, and have derived any kind of emolument from it, never can willingly abandon it.” - Edmund Burke

Saul was obsessed with establishing his greatness. But the price  of his ambition was the abuse of the people he was called to serve. He wanted a  dynasty, an empire that would stand for ages to come. He wanted a name that all  the earth would adore and revere. But to do this, he exploited his people. He  forbade them from eating, resting, or tending to their own needs until his victory was sure. In fact, he pronounced a curse upon any who refused to  cooperate. It mattered not how distressed, fatigued, or hungry they were. All  that mattered was his ambition. Driven by a perverted vision of greatness, Saul believed that Israel existed to serve him rather than him for it. Instead of esteeming the people as a trust God had given him to shepherd and protect, he  saw them as things to use to fulfill his own lust for success. 

Sadly, the same self-serving spirit that drove King Saul is a force growing more common in the body of Christ: Christian leaders using their office, not to glorify God or edify His people, but to promote themselves. At first glance it appears their cause is noble. They seem to be serving people and  advancing the Kingdom of God; but closer examination reveals something different. There is a subtle tendency to manipulate others, to control and use them like objects to advance the leader’s ambition. 
 
Corruption is the abuse of public office or position for private gain.  It is when something good turns bad. It is when good leaders, who begin with noble intentions, become enticed and corrupted by selfish opportunities.  They cease to use their authority to serve the public good and, instead, use their position to better themselves, solicit favors, amass wealth, promote friends and family, and leverage power to themselves. This is what happened to Saul. He used his authority as a means to achieve his own ambitions.

There is no greater protection a leader has against corruption than the heart of a servant. This is one reason why Jesus made it a prerequisite for leaders in the Kingdom of God.  He knew that in a very short time, after His ascension and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, thousands would be saved and the disciples would be given charge over large sums of money.  Acts 4 tells how “…all who were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the proceeds of the things that were sold, and laid them at the apostles' feet; and they distributed to each as anyone had need” (Acts 4:34-35).  Clearly, because the apostles saw themselves as servants of the people, they were able to distribute these assets without acting like Judas who was a “‘thief’…and used to take what was put in the money bag for his own use” (John 12:6).  
 
Leadership is a trust given to us by those we lead. Never should it be used for one’s own benefit or personal advancement.  That would be an abuse of one’s authority.  Every decision, action, and reaction should be meant for the advancement and betterment of those we serve and the organization we represent.

If one aspires to leadership out of a desire for power, recognition, or control, he or she is aspiring for the wrong reason.  Our ministry will be polluted with impure motives and defiled by worldly ambition. What’s worse is it will be void of God’s blessing and will actually draw down His curse. James 4:6 says, “God resists the proud.”  Proverbs 16:18 tell us that “Pride goes before destruction, and a  haughty spirit before a fall.”   Self promotion provokes God to move against us and pull our ministry down.  Humility, on the other hand,  invokes God’s blessing and rich provision.

“Never is integrity more on trial than when one is out of sync with his leader. Loyalty in times of disagreement is the truest test of character.”
 
Never is one’s character more on display than when he is out of sync with his leader. It may be a season of patiently waiting; it may be an issue of disagreement; it could even be a matter of disrespect and contempt that one holds toward his authority.  It any event, it is how one responds to his authorities in times of disparity that reveals the true quality of his or her character.

True submission is demonstrated, not in times of agreement, but in seasons of disagreement.  In fact, there is no expression of submission without the context of disagreement.  Without disagreement, submission is merely compliance. There is no need to restrain one’s impulse or force one’s obedience; one needs only to agree with that which he already views favorable.

On the contrary, it is one’s ability to resist that surge of disagreement rising in one’s heart—it is that discipline to quell an impulse of assertiveness against the leader that proves true submission and the presence of  real humility.

Consider David before he became king.  No one was more wrong than King Saul and no one was more right than David (1 Samuel 18).  In fact, Saul was spiteful, bitter and influenced by evil spirits.  David, on the other hand, was singing psalms and killing Philistines.  But David never lifted his hand against his authority.  The one time David did act against him, he felt great remorse and publicly repented (1 Samuel 24:6).  
 
In those times when the authority is wrong, God is not looking for your help. He is more than able to work all things according to His will. More often, God is trying to work out issues of character in His future leaders—issues such as submission, humility, and faithfulness. Sometimes He does that by putting you under a Saul.

This is not to say, however, that Christians should never disagree with or challenge the authorities over them. Spiritual leaders are not authoritarian demigods wielding absolute power in the name of Christ; they are mere people—infallible flesh that often makes mistakes and exercises severe lapses in judgment. As such, there are times when leaders should be challenged. The question is “how” such authorities can be challenged without compromising our own humility and sense of integrity.

 If you have a concern, there are ways to address it righteously. 

The first way is through intercessory warfare. Pray! God may have burdened your spirit with an issue or given you insight on a matter—not so you can call everyone on the phone and tell them what the authority is doing wrong—but so you can pray with fervor, wisdom, and divine unction. Ezekiel 22:31 says that God is seeking for men and women to stand in the gap. He is looking for intercessors to pray. The way He finds them is by burdening them with revelation and seeing who will be faithful to call down His will. It is my conviction that no one has a right to speak on a matter, criticize a leader, or canvass for change until they have first spent ample time covering the matter in prayer, interceding for His will, and checking their own attitude.

Secondly, submit your concern to your spiritual authority with a right spirit. If you must, go to your pastor—but go with a humble, submissive attitude. Instead of being forceful, be teachable. Ask him to help you understand why “such and such” is being permitted or if he has considered another perspective. Many times, a pastor will reject a suggestion out of hand because of the spirit in which it was presented. Conversely, if you present an idea with meekness, he will be more inclined to accept it because it has a quality of godliness and goodwill upon it.

Thirdly, refrain from using the phrase “God told me to tell you” or “God showed me.” Clearly, scripture does show that God speaks to people today, and you may sincerely believe He is speaking to you. But, the wise communicator understands such statements can seem manipulative. In other words, some so-called “prophets” assert divine authority to compel others into agreement. They are removing any option for disagreement—and if one does disagree, the prophet can salvage his self-respect by labeling that one as ignorant and unspiritual. If your word really is from God, let the wisdom and  power of the word speak for itself. Why should anyone need to be convinced of its authenticity or intimidated into accepting it as “a word from God?” Instead, follow the words of James 3:17 that says, “the wisdom from above is peaceable, gentle and easy to be entreated.”

Ambitious and aspiring leaders must be very careful when opposing spiritual authority. You may sincerely want to correct a wrong.  Perhaps you truly have heard from God and want to assert your revelation. Maybe you are wiser and better equipped than those who are authorities over you.  But beware, the situation before you may not be as obvious as you think. It may seem like Samuel is late and it’s up to you to offer a sacrifice; but it could actually be a test designed by God to purge you of spiritual presumption and reveal if you are qualified for greater promotion.

“Never is integrity more on trial than when one is out of sync with his leader. Loyalty in times of disagreement is the truest test of character.”

Samuel the prophet delayed. He was late.  Samuel failed to fulfill his responsibility; at least that was what Saul thought. So the king felt entitled to take initiative, usurp the command of his spiritual leader and act on his own initiative. See 1 Samuel
13:8-14.

Eventually, when Samuel arrived he declared, “You have done foolishly!” Further, the prophet Samuel announced that
Saul’s kingdom wouldsoon come to an end. Because of his foolish mistake, God revoked the king’s authority and would raise another to replace him.

What did he do that was so terrible? What sin had Saul committed that was so heinous in the sight of God that it brought about harsh condemnation and swift rejection? Was it greed or adultery? Was it idolatry or murder? No, but it was something equally destructive for leaders in the Kingdom of God: Saul usurped the authority of his leader. 

Never is one’s character more on display than when he is out of sync with his leader. It may be a season of patiently waiting; it may be an issue of disagreement; it could even be a matter of disrespect and contempt that one holds toward his authority. It any event, it is how one responds to his authorities in times of disparity that reveals the true quality of his or her character.

“But I’m under God’s authority!” This is the foremost objection people raise against submitting toward human authority. Because of their relationship with God or close communion to His presence, they feel that submission to a man is beneath them. However, nothing can be further from the truth. 

Anyone can be humble before God; however, true humility is not demonstrated until we humble ourselves before man. Hebrews 13:17 commands: “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive.” Andrew Murray wrote: “It's easy to think that we are humble before God, but our humility toward others is the proof that our humility before God is real.”  In other words, God is not impressed when you humble yourself before Him. Any fool can do that. What impresses God is one’s willingness to humble himself before other people.  This is especially true when those people seem less powerful, less talented, less intelligent, and less capable

Nowhere is this better demonstrated than in the example of our Lord. Jesus said of Himself, “I am meek and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29). No one had more power, more ability than Jesus Christ the Son of God, but He humbled Himself and submitted His will to the will of man. Meekness isn’t weakness; it is strength under control. Meekness is the awareness that one is strong and talented and capable but chooses not to act on that strength or assert his ability in deference to the will and wishes of another—usually his leader.

“But how can I submit when the authority over me is wrong?” Anyone can submit when he or she is in agreement with their leader.  Saul could have easily obeyed Samuel had Samuel been doing what he was supposed to be doing; it was Samuel’s absence and perceived dereliction of duty that tested the sincerity of Saul’s submission.

True submission is demonstrated, not in times of agreement, but in seasons of disagreement.  In fact, there is no expression of submission without the context of disagreement.  Without disagreement, submission is merely compliance.  There is no need to restrain one’s impulse or force one’s obedience; one needs only to agree with that which he already views favorable.

On the contrary, it is one’s ability to resist that surge of disagreement rising in one’s heart—it is that discipline to quell an impulse of assertiveness against the leader that proves true submission and the presence of real humility.

Consider David before he became king. No one was more wrong than King Saul and no one was more right than David
(1 Samuel 18). In fact, Saul was spiteful, bitter and influenced by evil spirits.  David, on the other hand, was singing psalms and killing Philistines. But David never lifted his hand against his authority. The one time David did act against him, he felt great remorse and publicly repented (1 Samuel 24:6). In those times when the authority is wrong, God is not looking for your help. He is more than able to work all things according to His will. More often, God is trying to work out issues of character in His future leaders—issues such as submission, humility, and faithfulness. Sometimes He does that by putting you under a Saul.

This is not to say, however, that Christians should never disagree with or challenge the authorities over them. Spiritual leaders are not authoritarian demigods wielding absolute power in the name of Christ; they are mere people—infallible flesh that often makes mistakes and exercises severe lapses in judgment. As such, there are times when leaders should be challenged. The question is “how” such authorities can be challenged without compromising our own humility and sense of integrity. 
 
In my next blog I will provide practical steps in how to address concerns with authorities while maintaining a submissive and respectful attitude.

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